A co worker walked in with a small bag of stuff and handed the bag to me. I looked in it and it was a few items of clothing so I assumed it was a donation of clothes that needed to be taken care of. Since I don't handle the donations anymore I asked her what they were for. A polite way of saying why are you giving me this. She responded that the jeans were for me that it looked like I was in need of new jeans.
As you may know I have a bit of a clothes addiction. I love clothes and hence I have lots of them and especially jeans. I had no idea what she meant by it seemed like I needed new jeans. I never say no when someone gives me clothes so I took the jeans out and looked at them. These puppies were small. There was no way I was going to fit in those. They obviously came from her pile of clothes not her daughters. My lovely co-worker is the smaller then either of her daughters.
I didn't want to be rude about her gift but I just kept wondering what is she thinking giving me small pants? To not offend but get my point across I asked her "are these yours or your daughters' jeans?" She was honest and told me they were hers. I was honest and told her they weren't going to fit. She put the bag of jeans in my hands and told me in a strong voice I needed to try them on. I know how she gets when she wants something so I went and did it. I kept thinking these things won't go up past my thigh and if they do I won't be able to zip them up.
I went into the bathroom and the jeans went on me like they were butter. They zipped up smoothly. The jeans fit perfectly. I was as skinny as my small co-worker. I walked out and showed her and she smiled.
She told me that she had been noticing that my jeans had been starting to fit rather lose. She told me she had noticed I was getting super tiny again. She told me that she knew I didn't know how skinny I had gotten after fighting so much with my sugar levels and my PCOS. She was right. I could not have believed I was small again.
What is it that causes women to be so critical of our own bodies? I can look in the mirror and point out every imperfection in my body. Even though intellectually I know I have lost so much weight and that I am skinny again emotionally I still feel like the fat girl. I still have emotional scars from all the hurt that I received when I gained all my weight before my diagnosis.
Why is it that as a society we judge people not for whom they are on the inside but what the look like in the outside? Thoughts anyone?
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