Getting my hair did

I have short hair. I have long hair. I have thick hair. I have thin hair. I have blonde hair. I have black hair. I have brown hair. I have red hair. I have straight hair. I have wavy hair. I have curly hair. My hair yeah I change it like I change my clothes. Recently I found a hair dresser that can keep up with my Joneses. She's a bit more then I used to pay but she knows what I want and she knows how to get it done. So I wasn't surprised this week when I walked in and she had the Best of Philly 2006 sign up in her receptionist area. She's on the Main line. If you live in the city catch the R5 to Ardmore. Cross the street the place is called Taglio's ask for Patty. She's the owner and she'll do wonders with your hair!

Not Latino Enough

There I was in the passenger seat of the car excited to see the bill board announcing the first ever Spanish FM station in Philadelphia. Mind you I wasn’t going to listen to it but it showed that the Latino community was finally showing it’s presence in this city despite all the hate shown towards us as of late.
Now you ask why I wasn’t going to listen to it. That’s a simple answer. No, the answer isn’t that I don’t listen to Spanish Music. I love the Latino artists that bring such great music to my life. The problem is that the station was advertising that they were going to play bachatas, regeton, and salsa. I’m more of a rock, pop, and even maybe the occasional blues listener when it comes to my Spanish music. I wanted to show support though so I politely asked if I could change the station. Music was good but not what I would normally listen. It wasn’t Juanes, or Jarabe de Palo but it was Spanish music blaring out of the radio. Then the commercials brought disappointment. “Only those of us who are truly Latino will listen,” was the message the first commercial gave. The second one “Listen only if you’re Latino enough,” it blared. I changed the station angered.
I knew I wasn’t going to listen to the station after today but wow that’s offense for them to say that you weren’t a true Latino if you didn’t listen to the station. I pulled the mirror and looked at myself in it. Yeah my skin was still a honey tone. My eyes were still so dark they almost seemed black. Yes my hair was filled with blonde highlights but you could still see my dark hair. My nose was what my mom always described as the typical Hispanic’s nose. My cheekbones that I love so much were still high showing my ‘Indian’ heritage.
This wasn’t the first time that I had heard that I wasn’t Latino enough. In May while eating lunch at a certain beach in a certain Florida city I was told the same thing. So let me list what the stereotypical Latino does hence not making me Latino enough to the white man or the colored man.
A Latino:
Only listens to music with a heavy African rhythm (rock music)
Eats spicy foods like jalapenos even if it isn’t good for their digestive system (jalaquien?)
Eats diary products even if they’re lactose intolerant (not unless I have my lactaid pills)
Drinks coffee like it’s going out of style (Starbucks should sell more Caramel Apple Cider)
They’re defiantly Catholic! (Mormon Thank You very much)
Has straight pokey hair (Curly or wavy depending on the humidity that day)
Thick hair (yeah but I know a bunch of old ladies that are going bald)
Is loud (ok this one I am)
Pronounces z’s like x’s (ok again I fall under this category too)
Wear colorful clothes (mostly black wardrobe)
Get married at a young age (matriquien?)
Have tons of children (I have none and 3 is too many for me when I do have them)
Curvy women (keep comments to self folks)
Only good enough to be a maid ( I’m a social worker now a days)
Falls in love w/ the white man (I’ve dated all colors loved all colors)
It angers me that ppl don’t see me as Latino or Hispanic ‘enough’. At the end of the day though I am what I am and that’s a proud Latina who fights for her peoples rights and has lost and gained much b/c of that.

The Disappearing Apartment

A very close friend and I were comparing notes on our relationships gone bad situations. We realized that even though our situations were somewhat different there were many similarities. He and I were talking about it right before I headed off to bed. As I read my book in bed after talking to him I began to think on how life has changed thanks to a relationship gone terribly wrong.
The first month I ran away. Even though I knew I had to come back to the apartment where the ghost of it all lived I was happy being away from it that first month. The memories were still too raw for me to live in my apartment and try to get over it all. It was great not being alone too as I got over the hurt. When I moved back into my apartment there was a sense of change in both my house and in me. Part of the change was of course the car full of stuff I had acquired while I was away but there was more then that I had changed in that month too.
The first change that happened was in my bathroom. Isn’t that the weirdest place to start a change? I took down the old nasty head shower and put in a brand new one in. It’s one of those five speed ones that you can remove from its place and have the water reach anywhere you want. You may insert your dirty thoughts in now! It gives off more water and it honestly is just prettier all around to look at. It made my bathroom a place of refuge and I left it happier.
Then I concentrated in the main room of the house, the living room. The first thing that disappeared was the dining set that I had. I used it more as a table that held all of my paperwork for my job and anything I didn’t know where to place. I hardly ate on it and the memory of eating breakfast on it angered me every time I saw it. The table went to a friend’s house and a beautiful grayish-green love seat took its place. A lamp was put next to the seat. Suddenly I have found my new work station. I either sit or lay on the couch as I work on my laptop everyday. Then there was the purple area rug that matched the painting on my mantle. Finally I said screw the TV and the DVD player and gave them away to be replaced by a HDTV and a DVR. Yeah I upgraded the living room. The upgrade wasn’t what mattered though it was the feeling of a new home while staying in the old one. It was having things that reminded me of everything removed by ones that I could create new memories with.
A week ago I started working on the bedroom. A lot of things were thrown out from the bedroom. All of my old pillows were tossed out into the garbage to be replaced by newer ones. Sounds like a weird change I know but each time I used one of those pillows I would think is this one he used or was this one of mine. Today I went online to The Company Store and bought three sets of bedding. The summer sets that I owned brought the want to vomit each time I saw them. The pillows have brought a great sense of comfort at night. The new set I put out changes the room into a room that I don’t recognize. It makes me happy. The old apartment that held so many miserable memories is slowly disappearing being taken over by a new happy apartment that reflects the new happy me that is emerging.

Check #1159

I had a check that Voldermort gave me for the trip we took to Tampa. Even though I asked for him to pay his half of the trip in cash when he arrived to Philly so I didn't have to keep using my credit card he didn't do that. He kept giving me bits and pieces of what he owed me the whole trip. I felt like a kept woman (and not in a good way)! He had to think about giving me an amount each time. The morning he left the apartment he gave me a check for the rest of what he owed me.
I'm not good with checks, I'll be honest. Depositing a check means taking time out of my busy schedule to go to the bank. God created direct deposit and Checkcards for a reason and it was so I didn't have to continue going to the bank. So at first I didn't deposit it because I was so busy but then I couldn't find it. I lost the damn check somewhere between moving in and out of my apartment. This weekend I found it. Even though I'm not hurting for $ I thought I wasn't going to let him get away with only paying for two-thirds of his vacation. I talked it over with about a handful of people and they all told me that since it's been three months I had to let him know it was going to be deposited. No biggie right? I mean he hasn't replied to any of my important e-mails so why this one? I let him know it was a curtious e-mail to let him know the check was being deposited.
The mother-fucker replied! He had the balls. Tuvo los cojones (sorry I had to say that in another language to make sure I got it out there). He replied. I'm ill and might die no response your check is finally deposited a response. He thanked me for letting him know. He didn't even address me by name. Then he had even bigger balls. He hoped I was doing well was his closing remark. What I wanted to reply but for my own sanity didn't is the following:
Voldermort,
Like I said this was a curtious e-mail I still stand that we should NEVER AGAIN have any contact. I don't believe you'll change from being a scumbag who uses women, degrades them and then moves on to her friends. Of course you didn't realize the check hadn't been deposited because as soon as you left Philadelphia you made sure to erase all belief that I existed. Oh and by the way you Hope? No you have no right to hope for anythng that has to do with me. You lost all right to hope anything for me when I called and e-mailed you about what you did to me and never replied. You sorry bastard the only hope that you can have is that I can forigve you enough to not tell your current girlfriend what you really are. Love Always (I mean that sarcastically so don't get your hopes up)
Me
PS I hope your little dick falls off! Yeah it's little I lied when I said it was 'average'

Not ready to make nice meets Hey Jealousy

Forgiveness doesn’t come easy to me. I know that I have to forgive people after a while but it doesn’t just happen at the flip of a hat. Forgetting is another thing. Once you have wronged me I never forget what it is that you did. Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice… The only thing that helps me to completely forgive is time but sometimes or should I say most of the time it takes a very long time. Right now I’m working on forgiving two people for what they’ve done to me. It’s not an easy process.
With the one person he made me doubt myself and as unforgivable as that is that’s not what he did wrong. Doubting myself was something I had to do but it’s the things he did to get me to doubt myself that anger me. That mistake had a price for both of us and it was the lose of what I thought was a great friendship. I’m hoping that with person number two it doesn’t go that far.
From what I can tell they’re both ready to have me forgive them. The thing is I’m not ready to make nice. In my eyes they both started a fight and I had to fight back. Now that the fight turned ugly thanks to me they’re crying uncle. Maybe he’s forgiven me for my part in everything. Well Once I get in a fight I don’t back down easily. Once I get mad as hell I don’t let it go easily. I like the feeling that anger gives me.
Why am I like this?
The ugly girl hates the pretty one. The fat girl hates the skinny one. The curvy girl and the flat girl hate one another. The slow learner hates the smart person sitting next to them. We all have jealousies. I was an awkward child. I had a massive learning disability, English was my second language, I wasn’t pretty at all and I was sociably awkward. I had much to be jealous of when I saw other kids. I worked through my learning disability. It’s still there but I learned to work with it to the point that people don’t realize I have one when I’m working near them. I’ve spoken about how I worked on my English. I learned that beauty is only skin deep and that there were beauty aids. I get my hair done once a month I’m addicted to make-up and I learned how to make clothes work in my favor. I learned to love my body and those things that I didn’t like at the end of the day I worked on. I lose serious weight a year ago. People look at me now and they think they are looking at a well put together person. Inside I’m still that awkward little girl. So when someone attacks me they’re really attacking that little girl. How can someone attack a little girl that cries herself to sleep every night? Now you understand why I can’t forgive so easily.

She's a Keeper

Any woman well tell you that the worst annual visit that they have to do is the Ob-Gyn. I hate them. Before this year I hadn't seen one in three years but after Tampa I've been in and out of Ob-Gyn's offices lately. I went to see my old Ob-Gyn originally and I still hated him. So I went and found myslef a new Ob-Gyn. She's a keeper! She talked to me for half an hour about my major issues. Told me about some new meds I can take for some of my health issues and during the exam she did everything right. Like I always say either a straight woman or a gay man. Now I have both! A straight female Ob-Gyn and and a homosexual male PCP. I living the good life! Minus the part where I've seen an Ob-Gyn so many times this year and even more by the end of it. I haven't had my vajayjay looked at so much in a long time.

City Like

I finally did it! I've become one of those city people that watches movies and plays for free at her local park. They'd been announcing it in the city free paper all week and I decided to go and see it. 12th Night starting at 7 until it was over in complete darkness. Next Friday they're showing a Charlie Chaplin movie and you guessed I'm there. Hmmmm I can't leave this neighborhood now I truly do love the fact that they do this all summer.

Taxicab Drivers

The heat has been excruciating lately. I usually walk or bike it everywhere when I'm traveling inside the city. The weather hasn't lent itself to that lately. Walking more then two blocks leaves a pool of sweat behind me. Having had someone lose the key to the lock on my bike I can't even bike it. So I've been catching taxis more then I usually do.
I don't like to catch taxis very often because I feel like I'm being lazy. The other reason I don't like taxis is the idiots that tend to drive them. I don't know what the deal is but the drivers tend to be morons. To prove my point I tell you these two stories.
I had a meeting a bit over a mile from my house. I usually walk there but because of the heat I was slow in getting prepared and refused to walk to the building. I was going to walk to the nearest street that I know taxi drivers frequent. Four blocks before I got to the street a taxi was stopping at the stop sign. I signaled to him and told him to drop me off at 40th and Chestnut as close to the Ronald McDonald House as possible. Simple instructions right? Any smart taxi driver would have known to leave me on the left side of Chestnut between 40th and 39th. He left me between 41st and 40th and on the right side. As he gives me my change he compliments my perfume and started asking me for locating information on me. I took my change and got out while slamming the door. What the hell?
Today I took the day off from work. It was one of those mental health day type deals. I decided to go do some grocery shopping. Again I decided to take a taxi back home. The guy started asking me if I was vacation how long I had taken off from vacation and all kinds of stuff that wasn't any of his business. Again left me at the corner of the street like his counterpart. This guy was giving me the creeps so I didn't say anything but hand him the fair. He owed me four dollars but only gave me two back. I always tip and I believe I usually over tip so this guy took me by surprise that he took his own tip out! What the hell is going on with taxi cab drivers lately?