Cry Baby

I nag and complain so much about my health and sometimes it's so much that I wonder if I'm just one big cry baby. Sometimes when I see my mom walking around cleaning the whole house when she has a really bad flu or just had surgery I wonder if I'm just a big cry baby. When my pain has got me in tears I wonder if everyone else feels the same way I do and I just can't take it. Sometimes I find out that yes indeed I am a big cry baby but sometimes I do get the satisfaction of finding out I should be in more pain then I am. Those are the days that I pat myself in the back and say congrats on not being a cry baby today.
Today I had back to back doctor appointments. First to my bi-monthly therapy session. We've been discussing cycles that cause my depression to 'flare'. For those of you that don't know about three or four years ago I was diagnosed with chronic situational depression. Basically that means that my depression is under the surface waiting for a situation, a thing or an event to let it surface. The thing is that I never know what that thing that well resurface it is going to be. When I was diagnosed I was in a bad rut and I was put on medications. I didn't always want to be on them so about a year ago I slowly weaned myself off of them. I did this with help from my doctor, my psychologist and my therapist (you should never just go off your psyche meds without telling your doctors). My therapist and I began trying to work out triggers that I was aware of and now we're working on cycles that seem to happen that work around me getting depressed.
One of the cycles that keeps popping up in our conversations is my reproductive cycle. We have noticed that when I finally get a period my depression usually sky rockets. You read right I did say "when I finally". See last year I was diagnosed with PCOS (poly-cystic ovarian syndrome). Basically that means that due to hormone imbalances when my egg is suppose to leave my ovary and go down my fallopian tube the ruputure that is supposed to happen doesn't. So I get various cysts of eggs on my ovaries. My body each month raises and raises the hormones it sends out to get an egg down to the utereus. My therapist thinks that much hormones in my system may help with my depression surfacing. This has been a theory that we've been working on but haven't been able to prove since I haven't gotten a period since we began working on the theory.
This month my endocriologist gave me some progesterone to kick start a period. The result was me crying over everything and anything for two days after I started taking the meds till today.
My second visit was to the dreadful OB/GYN visit that all women hate. That's right ladies take your clothes off put on a gown crouch to the end of the table and open up wide for a PAP smear. I HATE PAP SMEARS! I HATE OB/GYN EXAMS! I HATE I HATE I HATE this part of being a woman. To make it worse after the student doctor a guy by the name of Craig ( I specifically asked for all women) did the initial how are you bit he gives me the gown and says Dr Helstrem well be with you in a moment. I know she's the only female in the practice so after I put myself in the gown I kept my ears open for a female voice in the hallway.
I hear the clitter clatter of high heels running in the hallway and hear the door open quickly the room next door. I know my doctor is seeing one more patient before she sees me. I roll me eyes as I realized great another 5 or 10 minutes sitting here naked. Then I hear her say in a very strong voice I'm really worried about you. The patient says 'am I about to hear some news I don't want to hear?". I want to yell to his room of course you are you idiot. I get up from my table to grab my cell to text while I wait. I'm sitting in my doctors office naked while she is about to tell a guy something not good what should I do? Then I hear it she tells him his blood pressure is 220/100 and that's why they put him on the EKG machine and that that's not looking too good either. My 5 minutes have passed and I'm thinking ok maybe 15 minutes naked isn't so bad this guy is about to have a heart attack. That's when she asks him all these questions that I realize is her trying to see if he has symptoms of a heart attack. He has none and the poor sap yet hasn't realized where she's going with this. Then she says I already called an ambulance and they're on their way to bring you to the hospital. We're going to stay here till they get here.
At this point I don't know if I want to throw my cell phone to the wall, go next door in my gown and remind them I'm waiting for them naked (that stops me) or yell hey naked woman waiting for you over here (that might make the guys heart attack worse though). I opt to just keep texting they'll get to me eventually. I may be naked and I may hate the procedure that's going to be done to me but hey I'm not having a heart attack!
When they do get to me Craig and Dr. Helstrem apologize for making me wait. I say hey at least I'm not having a heart attack. So here is when I feel like the biggest baby in the whole world. I always cry when the exam happens. I hate it but I figure relax and it won't be so bad. When I tell her that I hate the exam she says hey the books say there are no nerve endings in the cervix but I think it does so I believe you that it hurts. No one has ever told me that. No one has ever been as patient with me during an exam as she was. No one said I was being a cry baby. When she was doing the rest of the exam I told her that my ovaries had been hurting me. I usually get eyes rolling at this point. She explained that they were probably hurting because of all my cysts and that she could feel them. She said they felt pretty bad and she was surprised that I wasn't in more visiable pain. I felt relief that someone finally believed me. She told me to take some advil and go to bed when I got home.
I went to eat a late lunch or early dinner and then a pedicure and then another dinner followed by some Naked Chocolate before I got myself to bed but it was a good day in the end. Knowing that some of the complains I have aren't me being a cry baby but legit made me feel a bit better.